That one time my mom came home from the drug store with a box of Just For Men hair dye and I asked her what on earth she would need it for and she told me that her pubic hair is getting grey and therefor must be dyed and I immediately wished I didn’t ask.
“Please stop telling me about all the older men you find attractive, I don’t want to picture my beautiful seventeen year old daughter being groped and violated by some 60 year old man with saggy skin.”—This is how I punish my mom for talking in stupid gooey voices to her husband in my presence.
“I really want Beefaroni. When can I have a steak? Can I have ribs?”—My mom got a tooth pulled and because she was really nervous about it they put her completely under and now she’s really high and talking about different kinds of meats.